Reality Is The Name We Give To Our Disappointments

:: dis is not meant to be negative - Part 1 ::

2008-03-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

.i hope i dont sound like i'm complaining here. i jus wanna let out or rather, share dis experience of mine.

.yes, being a full time mother is not easy. full time mother in my post means - stay @ home strictly wit children, no one else @ home wit u - dat means, no maid/mother/mother in-law as well. dat explains why i have been missing in action in updating or posting any stuff.

.as i was sayin, motherhood is not easy. i didnt hv much to say when i got my first kid coz my MIL helped in taking care of her while i worked during the weekdays. i only got to see my daughter maybe 4 days out of 7. so i kinda hv time for myself. went for massages, went shopping/dining wit peeps. i even started schooling again. my schoolmate called me a weekend mum. i was hit hard in the head dat time. i found out truly the meaning of being a mum after i gave birth to my second child. n then my life begins..........

.n so, apart from handling my kids which is 2 yrs apart, i cook & i clean. i've got no maid & i'm not living wit anybody else except jup (my husband of course) & my 2 little angels. my life is now full of challenges which varies almost everyday. u can never feel sleepy on a rainy afternoon. hahahahahaha..

.i refuse to hv a maid taking care of my kids or my house as i frankly cannot entrust my house & my kids to strangers. i dont wanna end up abusing maids. no, i dont need dat kinda attention. i'd rather be the slave rather than to enslave. furthermore, i'm the mother. i go through hours of labour pain & i dont hv d heart to jus let my kids being cared for by strangers. no offence to those who have maids. i dont mean to condemn but i'm jus gently sharing my thoughts & experience. hehehehe.. as for my house, i'd rather maintain it myself. susah dulu senang kemudian mahhh... n i dont mean to boast about how capable i am. seriously, i'm no tag heuer. i crack under pressure ok. but turning yr directions to the CREATOR helps so much.

.i do not want to go back to work as i strongly believe in bringing up my children & caring for my household on my own. i dont give 2 hoots about wat other people wanna say. financial? i dont intend to live my life like d Beckhams so be it. as long as my kids hv food to eat daily, i'm contented and thankful. no - no LV/Coach bags for me (i pity jup ok. plus, i'm not dat sort).

.n so as i stepped dis whole new world, i learned loads. i dont think i need to attend a time management course. initial part of my embarkment on dis journey was hell. breakfast for Sulis was always Macdonalds. hehehehe.. n when Sufia cries for milk in the middle of the night, Sulis cry as well. n they dont cry - they WAIL!! hahahahaha.. those of you who havent heard how Sufia cries, it's the same as Sulis. both of them hv telan microphone voices like....... me. hehehe.. it was tough. but i was lucky dat Sufia slept thru d night when she's only abt a month old.

.as time goes by these few months, d solution to end the chaos @ home & having to eat tapau food daily is so bloody simple - WAKE UP EARLY! yes. now no matter how late i slept & how tired i was from d day/night before, i will never fail to wake up early (well there are rare occasions dat i failed u know). pls do not ask me wat time (its not as early as u think lah but still early for some). i only know dat by d time i finished preparing for breakfast/lunch/dinner & laundry done for d day, i saw sunlight. n waking up dat early really helps to clear d day's load by half! no joke. so i'm left wit only cookin & cleaning d house. most of the jobs dat need to be done will hv to be completed before my kids wake up.

.i hv to do dat. if not, i wont have d time to sit & play wit my kids in d day. they need my attention & i cant possibly focus my attention elsewhere when they need me. n so, waking up early is the best solution. early preparation saved my life. hahahahahaha.. frankly, though u planned ahead carefully, the day's journey is not 100% smooth sailing ok. there're bound to be hiccups somewhere. u cant predict d kids' behaviour & mood. i have my worse times... n more yet to come. hehehehe..

.......will continue......

:: how? ::

2007-12-13T14:30:00.000+08:00

.who says motherhood is a breeze?

.isnarny, if you're reading this - you're a SUPERMOM!

.i wonder how some people i know (full time mums, i mean) has got loads of time to go online. i really wonder. i think they either have maids or staying wit parents so that they can help with both household chores & child rearing.

.i'm jus having one kid and gonna have another soon and i'm already juggling with playtime & cooking/cleaning time. and the only time i can sneak a peek in cyberspace is when Sulis is napping (which is rare now) or at night when Sulis already sleep (which I ended up sleeping as well).

.no, i'm not complaining. in fact i kinda enjoy having to do things one after another (though its really tiring, no joke). keep my endorphins level up. i can't imagine how hectic my life is gonna be when my number 2 comes soon.... kinda scared actually.

:: time to go ::

2007-12-07T18:02:00.000+08:00

.today's the last day of my so-called working life. if only i can drag my kids to the office then i might consider coming back to work. if not, so sorry. i want so much to be around my kids.

.i have pondered enough and i weighed the pros and cons of such decision. i guess being a full time mum has more positive benefits for both mother & children in the future. the only negativity about being a full time mum is obviously, the financial part. seriously, i don't think it's a big thing knowing that all these rezeki comes from Allah. but as a saying goes 'Trust in ALLAH but tie your camel', i will not be sitting down and grow my ass big. should there be any opportunities coming my way, i'll grab it - provided i'm more stable & able to organize my time with my kids.

.well, dis is my honest opinion. i don't see financial woes as my top priority. i'm contented with my life now. i don't need to live like Victoria Beckham. hehehehe.. other mothers might have different point of view and i respect them. well, we all have different views on things, right?

.and so begins my journey as a SAHM. @ least i don't have to point my fingers at others for the dissatisfactory ways my children is being treated and taught. good or bad, my family is under my care and ALLAH is my judge.

.my check-up today tells me that i'm 3cm dilate and i'm having regular contractions. so its anytime, anyday now.

.PEACE & LOVE.

:: wat's wit them? ::

2007-11-30T13:29:00.000+08:00

.first, it was the battle of that 'Rasa Sayang' song.

.now, this.....

.dont they have anything better to do? sigh.. i rest my case.

:: poor me ::

2007-11-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

.i've always love men who looked like these...

.so tell me why i ended up marrying someone who looked like THIS...

.hahahahahahahahahahaha.. love is blind and lovers can't see.. well, dat's my hubby!!

:: mummy's got oily nose ::

2007-11-19T15:55:00.000+08:00

.ok.. ok.. mummy knows dat mummy's complexion is not as good as yours, Sulis. but you don't have to humiliate mummy like dat lah. hahahahahahaha..

.i was lying in bed wit Sulis last night and she pinched & touched my nose. then you know wat she did? she rubbed her fingers together and said 'eee.. minyak.. minyak'. jup was laughin hysterically @ her nonchalant expression when she teased me like dat. i jus looked @ her, stunned. kids nowadays memang nak kena bantai tau! HMMPH!

.very kongasam punya budak kan ni?!

:: facts & myths of hash ::

2007-11-07T12:11:00.000+08:00

Highlights from the book Marijuana Myths, Marijuana Facts: A Review of the Scientific Evidence. By Drs. Lynn Zimmer and John Morgan. New York: The Lindesmith Center, 1997.

Fact and Myth

Myth: Marijuana's Harms Have Been Proved Scientifically. In the 1960s and 1970s, many people believed that marijuana was harmless. Today we know that marijuana is much more dangerous than previously believed.

Fact: In 1972, after reviewing the scientific evidence, the National Commission on Marihuana and Drug Abuse concluded that while marijuana was not entirely safe, its dangers had been grossly overstated. Since then, researchers have conducted thousands of studies of humans, animals, and cell cultures. None reveal any findings dramatically different from those described by the National Commission in 1972. In 1995, based on thirty years of scientific research editors of the British medical journal Lancet concluded that "the smoking of cannabis, even long term, is not harmful to health."

Myth: Marijuana Has No Medicinal Value. Safer, more effective drugs are available. They include a synthetic version of THC, marijuana's primary active ingredient, which is marketed in the United States under the name Marinol.

Fact: Marijuana has been shown to be effective in reducing the nausea induced by cancer chemotherapy, stimulating appetite in AIDS patients, and reducing intraocular pressure in people with glaucoma. There is also appreciable evidence that marijuana reduces muscle spasticity in patients with neurological disorders. A synthetic capsule is available by prescription, but it is not as effective as smoked marijuana for many patients. Pure THC may also produce more unpleasant psychoactive side effects than smoked marijuana. Many people use marijuana as a medicine today, despite its illegality. In doing so, they risk arrest and imprisonment.

Myth: Marijuana is Highly Addictive. Long term marijuana users experience physical dependence and withdrawal, and often need professional drug treatment to break their marijuana habits.

Fact: Most people who smoke marijuana smoke it only occasionally. A small minority of Americans - less than 1 percent - smoke marijuana on a daily basis. An even smaller minority develop a dependence on marijuana. Some people who smoke marijuana heavily and frequently stop without difficulty. Others seek help from drug treatment professionals. Marijuana does not cause physical dependence. If people experience withdrawal symptoms at all, they are remarkably mild.

Myth: Marijuana is a Gateway Drug. Even if marijuana itself causes minimal harm, it is a dangerous substance because it leads to the use of "harder drugs" like heroin, LSD, and cocaine.

Fact: Marijuana does not cause people to use hard drugs. What the gateway theory presents as a causal explanation is a statistic association between common and uncommon drugs, an association that changes over time as different drugs increase and decrease in prevalence. Marijuana is the most popular illegal drug in the United States today. Therefore, people who have used less popular drugs such as heroin, cocaine, and LSD, are likely to have also used marijuana. Most marijuana users never use any other illegal drug. Indeed, for the large majority of people, marijuana is a terminus rather than a gateway drug.

.maybe one could use one of the facts above should one be arrested for the consumption of marijuana? hehehehe..

:: she was contented ::

2007-11-01T12:27:00.000+08:00

.she asked him out for dinner.

.he declined saying he prefer the weekends.

.she was a tad disappointed but nonetheless comforted by his reply.

.he took urgent leave the next day.

.she dont feel like working on that day as well.

.he said dont need to go to work.

.she agreed.

.he went online and checked out the movies showing in the cineplexes.

.he asked her out for a movie.

.she flipped but maintained her cool.

.they went out on a date @ last.

:: olive oil ::

2007-10-25T10:45:00.000+08:00

.i swear i tot olive oil does wonders to my hair. i love my hair to bits now for i think it has become more lustrous and less hair fall. i was telling almost everyone about the miracle of olive oil dat has befall on me until i came across an article today in the email.................

Why is my hair getting thicker?
It's not your imagination, your hair is thicker than normal now. But you're not actually growing more hair; you're just losing it more slowly than you usually do. Here's what's going on: Normally, most of the hair on your head is growing and the remainder (about 5 to 15 percent) is in a resting stage. After the resting period, this hair falls out and is replaced by new growth. During pregnancy, higher levels of estrogen make the growing stage longer, so fewer hairs are in the resting stage and fewer are falling out each day, and you have thicker, more luxuriant tresses. After you give birth, though, your estrogen levels drop and more hair will enter the resting stage and fall out. This postpartum hair loss can be alarming, but it's totally normal.

.shall i do a sinead when the time comes?

:: Sulis - My Cheeky Bugger ::

2007-10-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

:: boring random thoughts ::

2007-10-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

.i'm bored in the office. i'm supposed to be on half day but i got to wait for the peeps here to come back from their appointment then i'm allowed to leave. i wanted to go vivocity for a walk but i think i'd rather go home. furthermore, my back is killing me. and i think i have better things to do at home.

.thinkin back, i'd prefer stayin at home rather than to spend my time in the office. at home, i can do sorts but in d office, i'm confined to my desk & chair and the boring internet. yes, internet now is boring to me. i basically have nothing to d in the office. sometimes i pester my colleague for assignments but there's none to give. peeps think how lucky i am to go to work with nothing to do. man, if u peeps can only imagine d boredom i hv to deal wit. sheesh!

.so dat's abt work.

.sometimes i wonder if i have some kinda speech impairment. do any of u find it hard to decipher wat i'm blabbering about - be it verbally or in print? i'm sometimes being misunderstood by some people and i'm being blamed for not being able to convey certain things. i'm puzzled. is it me or is it those people (more likely someone in particular) who dont use their ears properly? i wonder..... maybe perhaps to educate oneself wit the importance of proper listening is essential. but still, the ego rises above all. ain't dat right?

:: exhausted - well, not really ::

2007-10-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

.there's always a first time for everything. in dis case, it was my first time in cooking for a mini-open house. disaster, i tell ya!

.i have planned to cook for guests. yes - pregnant & all. i just wanna experience how it feels like to be hectic. i can't say i regretted doing it but now i fully understand what our mothers have gone through. its not an easy job, people.

.i should've prepared way in advance. i should've gone to the market earlier than 11am. hahahahahaha.. due to the fact dat the 3 of us (jup, me & sulis) reached home @ midnight on the night before, all of us slept till late. but we dragged ourselves out of bed & to the market nonetheless only to find dat some of the ingredients dat we wanted were, as expected, gone in 60 seconds. hahahahahaha.. my bad.

.i'm thankful that my bro's wife appeared all of a sudden @ my door earlier than anyone and she's more than jus an extra hand. really appreciate it. else, i will be half dead before the guests arrived.

.though my own cooked food is not enough to feed the batallion that came (n jup got to leave his frens to go out & buy mee mamak for my aunts & uncles dat arrived late evening), i'm sorta contented. it was a damn good experience for me. i'm more than happy dat i hv understanding people in my life.

.i was tired, of course - i dont deny the fact. having to prepare all the stuff by myself in my condition is kinda tough. well, i dont hv a maid and i'm staying on my own wit only my husband & my almost 2yr old daughter (for those who dont know me). i've got to juggle in feeding & washing my kid and also in preparing. tough shit but i'm really thankful for the experience.

.i made loads of mistakes. one of which is the time management. i need ample time to prepare for stuff. if i were to be given an opportunity, i would love to go through dis back breaking experience again. one has to learn from experience and dis is one experience i wont forget in my journey to become a productive housewife. hehehehehe.. like real only..

.zac, apologies for not being able to layan u fully. n paul, sorry tak dapat sample my soto ayam. hehehehe.. next time i'll cook specially for u. kah kah kah kah.. and to my guests (provided if they happen to stumble upon my blog), thank you for visiting and kind understanding.

.do i sound like someone???? oh god, please no.

:: the Malay in me ::

2007-10-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Pandanglah hamba si gagak hutan
Sebelah mata pun hamba tak terkilan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Adumu bercadarkan pintalan gemawan
Tidur hamba beralas reranting hutan

Tak hamba terkelindan sayap dipatahkan
Tak hamba terkilan telur hamba dipecahkan
Hamba akur dengan suratan
Hamba akur dengan kehendak Tuhan
Hamba akur berketurunan bermandi hinaan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Kau pinta didodoikan rintikan hujan
Ku mampu rintih senandung kedukaan

Aduhai cenderawasih pintamu keterlaluan
Kau inginkan hamba kalungkan bulan
Kau kepinginkan kerabu dari bintang berkerdipan
Kau dambakan rantai untaian buih lautan

:: what can one do? ::

2007-10-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

.i must write about dis. i have been complaining to my peeps about my daily conundrums as a pregnant commuter in our beloved mass rapid transit. dis morning incident is the worst i ever experience.

.i was standing (as usual) in front of the 2-seater. one of the seated was a guy who was deep in sleep. that i can forgive. he was really sleeping - his mouth was wide open and his eyes were tightly shut. hahahahaha.. the lady (or monster) beside him noticed me standing in front of her and she turned away. yes, all d way throughout my journey, i noticed she looked at my tum-tum and jus faced away from me.

.of course i ignore. wat can i do? i've read some comments on stomp.com.sg and some blokes were suggesting that we, pregnant ladies should voice out that we need the seats. tell me, will anyone do that? maybe in really desperate measures, i might do that. but is it really necessary to do such? u mean, these people are blind and darn inconsiderate and totally ignorant to people wit needs? in my experiences, such people DO EXIST! how sad..

.well, to the lady jus now - karma is a bitch. u'll know how it feels when u get yourself pregnant in the future.

:: jus a short one ::

2007-10-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

.well obviously, i've not been updating my blog. i'm busy wit more important stuff which i need to fulfill dis ramadhan. hehehehe.. maybe more could be expected after dis month.

.however, jus a short one on my sentiments dis ramadhan.

.dis ramadhan, i have to say, is one of the toughest i went through so far. highly challenged in mentality and emotions. thank God, i'm able to survive dis far and i hope i will stay dis way and maybe stronger after dis holy month of ramadhan is over.

.being pregnant wit a head full of turmoils is no joke. well, life's not a bed of roses indeed. but we all know that Allah always test us within our capabilities. so whatever i'm facing now, i know i have the strength to go through. cant simply follow my emotions blindly and end up regretting. dis ramadhan is really a test for my mind. and i hope i can pull through, insyaALLAH (its not easy, i know).

:: before I was a Mum ::

2007-09-25T11:01:00.000+08:00

Before I was a Mum

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mum

I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mum

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mum

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations

Before I was a Mum

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mum

I had complete control of:

My thoughts

My body

And my mind

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum

I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mum

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mum.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mum.

:: wat the hell were you thinking ::

2007-09-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

.while i was away, an old fren of mine hollered asking whether Bjork's song is still good. i answered - of course. he continued to ask if Danny Tenaglia and the likes have new albums out. my suspicions arose.

.so i asked - eh, u start again ah? i already expected a 'yes' for his answer coz he's a person who listens to r&b and hip hop. and so my disappointment in him.. too bad i cant continue the conversation coz my phone card jus went null on me. save my breath for giving him a lengthy lecture (well, i'm jus as bad sometimes).

.the next day, i apologized for the prompt leave and explained. and he got the cheek to request for me to buy cds. so i said - sorry, i'm not buying any.

.him getting back into the habit is already a tad of a disappointment (and relief for i'm certain now that i made the right choice in leaving him for someone else - hehe!). i dont believe he has got the guts for requests for his needs. sheesh! i'm disgusted. he already has a nice gf to take care of him. heard he has got a car despite his unstable job and now dis.

.i was in a dilemma during that certain point in my life where i had to choose between him & the other. was quite sad initially. but now as i think back, i really do made the right choice. i really cannot imagine how my life would be like if i were still to be wit him.

.i dont mean to say dat my life's perfect now lah but somehow, you guys know wat i'm talking about right? sheesh! jus the thought of it gives me the creeps.

:: when times are bad ::

2007-09-05T11:39:00.000+08:00

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Have We not caused thy bosom to dilate,

and eased thee of the burden

Which weighed down thy back;

And exalted thy fame?

But lo! with hardship goeth ease,

Lo! with hardship goeth ease;

So when thou art relieved, still toil

And strive to please thy Lord.

:: fast one for today ::

2007-09-03T17:26:00.000+08:00

.its 1721 hrs on 3 sept 07.

.first entry for the month and i need to hurry. i'm leaving the office soon. hehehehe..

.jus came back from my short trip. suppose to feel alright but i'm feeling shitty to the max. will not elaborate. totally pissed.

.another blog war i found. hahahahahaha.. wit the same person. wonder why one has so many enemies despite her constant 'i'll pray for you's etc. is it them or is it her? u think she will admit? of course no. dimwits are like dat. sad siak. i would love to further my studies on how dis type of minds work. contradictions are stated everywhere on every posts even the blind can see them. but when someone pointed out one of them, retaliation occurs. cannot accept the fact.

.and i thought ignorance is bliss? so wat happened? hehehehehe..

:: for the love of the game ::

2007-08-27T14:07:00.000+08:00

.lets talk about golf. well, not actually about golf. more about a passion for something.

.eversince mardan mamat won the singapore masters and won millions, seems like quite a number of the malay community came flogging down to golf clubs. hehehehe.. is dis phenomenon for the love of the game or is dis the case of 'monkey see, monkey do'? i shall not go further into dis. its for y'all to ponder for before mardan mamat's name surface to the top, you can only spot a few rare malays in the golf clubs (how i know? dis is based on my own sight. i live near a golf range). now, whenever i pass by, woah! i'm absolutely startled by the vast increase.

.and they say golf is a 'rich man's game'? hahahahahahaha.. so wat does it tell us?

.i dont like golf. and i wont take up golf jus because everybody's doing it (or shall i say, almost everyone in my community. hehehe..). i would love to take up mountain climbing, rock climbing, sleep in the wild wit d lions or white water rafting as sports. not because it's IN, but it's because i love doing it. dis is what i enjoy doing. not for the sake of glamour. but too bad lah, i dont hv the energy to do it now. when i had the energy and time before, i was a totally wasted kid. u know wat i mean. hahahahahaha..

.well, for now, even if i were to dip my feet in sports, it'll be pool. hehehehehe.. provided jup is not my opponent. he's an ass when it comes to pool. eejit!

:: best ahpek in town ::

2007-08-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

.along the roads of jurong east street 13, there stood an uncle whom i believe is in his sixties.

.whenever i'm walking towards jurong east mrt station for work from IL's place, i will pass by him. initially i thought he was waiting for his grandchild's recess time (for he's always standing across fuhua primary school) to pass food or something like that. but he will stand there every morning even during the school holidays. maybe there's somethin not right about him or maybe he's jus getting some fresh air. he looks harmless though and he's one of the most friendliest person in the neighbourhood.

.i saw some people greeted him whever they pass by him so i decided to try as well. n yes, till now, whenever i saw him, i'll smile n say 'good morning, sir!'. he will smile, nod and give a thumbs up. no joke! he's the best!

.dis morning i saw him again, he brightens my day. he's one of those people who's not grumpy in the mornings. cute uncle. so for y he's standing there every morning, only God knows. but he's certain to cheer me up on monday & friday mornings.

.thumbs up, uncle!

:: the zodiac - to believe or not to believe ::

2007-08-23T11:37:00.000+08:00

.a friend of mine forwarded dis to me. i dont really believe in the zodiacs now. i was a freak when i was in school before, but i guess the stage has passed me. but anyways - jus for fun. comments will be in red.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (sure or not? maybe i am. i jus dont realise my potential. not self centered wat)

Charming but aggressive (hahahahahahahahaha...). Can come off as boring, but they're not (up to my peeps to believe in dis). Hard workers (yeah right. i'm a big time slacker). Warm hearted (wah liao!!!). Strong, has endurance (depending on situations. i'll break under too much presure too ok). Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways (thank you). Not looking for shortcuts (who says?!). Take pride in their beauty (err.. i think dis is bullshit). Patient and reliable (*snigger*). Make great friends and give good advice (does insincere ones count?) Loving and kind (*yawns*). Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally (hmmmm?). Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums (i sorta agree wit dis. my schoolmates would know about the throw-the-chair-from-back-to-front-of-classroom event. hehehehehe..). Determine. Indulge themselves often (oh sure do. but not DAT often lah). Very generous (well... i'm broke most of the time. so...).

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (oh yes definitely 101%)

Smart & witty (true for paul. not true for some male). Outgoing, very chatty (still depends on individual. most geminis i know are outgoing and chatty but one i know so well is not dat really.). Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves (true for the men). Argumentative and outspoken (sometimes too much for my liking. hahahahahahahaha..). Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense (extremely for paul's case). Gossips (oh yes - for both the men & the women). May seem superficial and inconsistent (note: MAY SEEM only. dont be fooled), but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter

Patient and wise (very very very patient, i agree). Practical and rigid. Ambitious (yes, i suppose zac?). Tends to be good looking (i wanted to laugh. ok, ok, sorry!!). Humourous and funny (yah, wit the typo errors but when she's surrounded by the chatterbox, i hv no say - the cahtterbox wins). Can be a bit shy and reserved (really meh?). Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly (wat?! zac - unfriendly!? bullshit!) at times. Hold grudges (crap! or wait... is dis the side of zac dat we dont know? hmmm?). Like competition. Get what they want.

.ok, i only featured 3 coz the majority of peeps in my life are from these 3 signs. hehehehehe..

:: counting down to the unknown ::

2007-08-17T13:10:00.000+08:00

.i'm having a gender scan soon today, ya know. hahahahahaha... like as if y'all interested.

.i wonder if its a boy or a girl.

.boy or girl, i'm all ok. if boy, i'll close shop for a moment. if girl, i'll jus hv to work harder. which means, more sex. hahahahahahahaha.. rabak siak ni mak. anyways, as long as the baby's fine, all of us are happy.

.u want to know the results? hmmmm... wait till i come home.

:: i dont live my life like the Beckhams ::

2007-08-16T12:37:00.000+08:00

.being a mother is tough. i'm not complaining here. i'm jus stating the truth. motherhood is not a breeze ok. i dont believe people who claimed that being a mother is easy - unless they dont take care of their kids on their own lah.

.me, for example, is currently working and Sulis is taken care of by MIL. my initial plan before i started work was to pick her up everyday after work (pls note that i have my own house and i'm NOT staying wit any parents or in-laws - there's only 3 of us inc. Sulis in the house ok). my plan failed coz due to the fact dat i am.. *ahem* a spoilt DIL-do. hahahahahahaha.. ILs dont want me to tire myself. so i kinda decide to sleep over there on alternative days or when i hv my night classes. now it comes to sleepin over only on thursday nights so i didnt get to see Sulis for 3 nights!! but i hv her all to myself for the weekends.

.routines like mine might seemed a little relaxed for some mothers. yes, i agree. i hv mondays till wednesdays all to myself.

.come 2008, i'll be a full time mother. how am i feeling? mixed.

.no doubt i'm more than overjoyed to be able to take care of my kids on my own, i know it will not be an easy task. but @ least i dont dump my kids wit others and then having to complain to others about my kids not being taken care of in my own way. i admit i have been doing that - i'm a bad person. so in order not to add more sins, i am ready to take in those responsibilities. furthermore, it is ME that wanted more kids. they are MY responsibilites. and most importantly, they're MY kids. i dont want my kids to go astray while i'm busy 'finding money'. my kids are my duties. tired or not, they're mine.

.financial wise, i'm afraid, has to be jup's job. its a pity to see him work so hard for us. therefore, my job in dis financial matters is not to be extravagant. well, as some of you guys know, i dont really spend a lot on my own needs. i'm very the 'tak kuasa' kind. i find myself easily contented wit watever it is that i hv. so hopefully, i will keep it dat way. lucky i'm not high maintenance and i dont need high end designer labelled clothings/bags/apparels to make me feel like vic beckham. kah kah kah kah.. also, if i want somethin bad, i believe in saving up and pay in cold hard cash IN FULL. no hutangs hor. i'm not gloating about myself here but i see and know people who bergaya but have unsettled debts in their lives and i dont see a point in boasting about their material possessions to others. sad life when one is in debts. i hv debts as well - MY HOUSE! hahahahahahahaha..

.some people i know jus love to tell others they've purchased a new LV bag which costs a bomb. if i got somethin to say abt it, they'll say i'm jealous. (huh?!) an LV bag doesnt suit me coz if you know wat kinda person i am, u try imaginin me carryin an LV bag. c'mon - jus imagine. i know u guys are laughin right? babusat tau korang semua. i was talkin abt dis to lin during lunch and she said - lv bags r not indie enough. then i was picturing myself carryin an lv speedy - i wanted to laugh.

.and dats y - i dont live my life like the beckhams.

:: D news ::

2007-08-13T12:38:00.000+08:00

.the news of divorce hits the airwaves again. dis time it belongs to jup's cousin who already has 5 kids.

.i was shocked. the fella is gd looking - even for his age. serious. he looked a bit like jup (i'm not trying to tell people jup is gd looking here ok) but shorter. i tot MIL was joking when she told us that abang L is already a duda. the wife's kinda pretty as well. they're one of those gd looking couples around. they have 5 kids - 3 boys and 2 girls. eldest is 10 yrs old. reason for the divorce is because the wife is gg out wit another man. and it was not her first.

.sad. i feel sad for the kids. and i'm angry wit the now ex-wife coz she's the one who really wanted out despite already having 5 kids.

.it was a gd conversation topic between me & jup dat night. he wondered y abang L is so gd looking and yet, got to face dis kinda tragedy in his life (well, actually i wanted to tell jup - u think handsome people got all the gd luck is it? kekekekeke.. - but i held back).

.though we know dis kinda thing existed in this world, when it happened, we still find it a little hard to swallow @ times. we dont exactly know wat happened in their lives but i believed, if one can think of others (in dis case, their children), things can work out. it takes a lot of hard work but if u hv faith, it will work out. if it doesnt well, life still has to go on. yr life jus doesnt stop there. move on.

.some things are jus unavoidable. i'm not saying that my marriage life is unbreakable. as we all know, 'kita mampu merancang. hanya Tuhan menentukan'. dis is one of the reasons y i dont really tell much about my life (good or bad) to anybody. if the inevitable happens, sheesh... imagine the gossip i caused. ish ish ish..

.one cant be certainly sure that one's life is a fairytale. come on lah. be realistic. who would be so daft to think so. things might be smooth sailing for some at times but i'm sure there're bound to be hiccups along the way. its part & parcel of life itself. without the hiccups, life will be very dull and strange. the hiccups in life creates the challenge. i'm not wishing for the bad to happen, of course. but to me, i'd rather expect bad things to happen rather than to happily think that everything's perfect. if i dont think like dat, i'll get a rude shock that might lead me to suicide if i'm not careful. hahahahahahaha.. true wat. @ least if i'm mentally prepared, the impact will not be as bad.

.i once told some acquaintances about some bad patch i went through in my life. and there was only jus one incident which happens to be a little bad, i suppose. so these 2 shallow people got misinterpreted (due to how their minds work) & turn the whole story around, spread it widely (anonymously) in their.. erm, i mean her blog, making jup like a wife-batterer. more like a joke coz she's making herself look like the court jester. hehehehehe.. well, they can say watever they wanna say. i know i dont live life like a fairytale. i know reality. @ least i have the experiences in handling stuff and i know i'll emerge stronger. i wonder.. when she assume things like dat, how will she react if she were in my shoes? hmmmm.. then u know wat, she got the cheek to tell me that i'm jealous of her and tell me to build it. hahahahahahahahaha.. i so wanted to tell her 'get back to reality, please' but i think its not worth it. plus, she was never a fren to start off wit. so y should i care? podah!

.abang L was married for more than 10 years and it has crumbled. i'm married for coming 3 yrs and frankly saying, its tough. n now dat i'm pregnant wit my 2nd. the challenges jus increase. it could be my fault and it could be his. i'm only holding to dis - susah dahulu, senang kemudian. i dont know wat the future has for me. i can only hope for the best. being a pessimist, i exercise positive thinking furiously. i take my 'quit smoking journey' as an example. best mind exercise i ever had.

.my advice to my friends: dont let your mind control you. you are in control of yr mind. i speak from experience. not jus membabi buta, copy + paste from somewhere ok. hahahahahahaha..

:: golden shoe ::

2007-08-10T15:41:00.000+08:00

.wat a way to celebrate the nation's 42nd. my plan for the day was to watch the parade on tv. but it turned out otherwise.

.FIL wanted to bring us out for dinner. knowing me, i dont like to pass on free food (i'm being honest here ok). so out we went. no talk of going to the parade or anywhere near there.

.when they came to pick us up, jup asked abt whether they wanted to go padang to watch fireworks (jup's big mouth). they agreed. me & paris was like '..oh no.........'

.we seated ourselves @ the grass patch near the ntuc building. my god! it was so irritatingly crowded. i enjoyed my donuts more than anything else. nevertheless, we waited till the fireworks commence.

.dat was no biggie. the issue here was after the whole ordeal @ golden shoe carpark. we parked on the 5th floor of the building and we were stuck on the same level for an hour. the main road is congestion-free. so wat the hell's the problem?

.u know wat? it was some inconsiderate drivers driving on the 'in' lane instead of queing up like the rest of the considerate drivers there. to make matters worse, there are more cars from behind us who's trying to cut the queue. paris went investigating to the first level and reported that the security guards were furious and were shouting at those inconsiderate drivers trying to cut queue near the exit barrier. there are some kind souls who did give way to those eejits and hence, making us goody drivers running outta patience.

.eventually, we did managed to move until the 3rd floor and we saw one of the guards walking up the carpark and trying to stop some cars from cutting queues further. he stopped a lady driver and started arguing wit her. she was obviously in the wrong and she's still adamant on her position. jup got involved in the argument. the poor guard need some backing up. lucky i wasnt involve. i was pissed off as well. in the end, the guard let her go. you know y? she said her daughter's sick. fucking excuse!!! i wonder wat the fuck she's doing there if she knows her daughter's sick. i hv my little daughter (who has been thru hell @ the fireworks) wit me as well and i dont rake dat kinda excuse. sheesh! the nerve of some!

.because its already too late, we forgo dinner. lucky we have murtabak @ home. hehehehe..

:: attention seekers ::

2007-08-08T12:21:00.000+08:00

i came across people who are constantly seeking attention from others and i'm intrigued by how their minds work. as i'm pretty interested in how human beings function mentally, i did some researches and i'm not really surprised at my discovery.

i found out that these attention seekers are mostly people who has low self esteem and low self confidence and most of the time, they feel insecure. these people are usually emotionally immature and sadly, most attention seekers are females. drama queens are attention seekers, you know.

in order to 'cover' these feelings of insecurity, attention seekers will spend most of their lives creating situations in which they become the centre of attraction. in other words, anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviours are telling people how emotionally immature they are. of course, when some people try to question or be direct about their behaviours, these people will deny. who wants to admit anyway? hahahahahaha...

attention seeking is suprisingly common and it comes in several methods. i dont need to name all of them but the ones listed below are the types of methods i have personally encountered in my life:

the sufferer:

this method by the attention seeker is usually done by feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury or perhaps, causing or inviting injury. the illness or injury becaomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus, attention. the attention seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, espcially that of guilt. it's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or 'poor me' drama. ring a bell anyone?

once there was a lady who told me a special secret that no one else knows - even her family and her husband, whom she is 300% devoted to - that she has a heart problem. i must be really someone special to her that i was honoured to know the secret. whether its true or not, i'm not really bothered but somehow it's strange that one can actually say such things.

the manipulator:

one may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt or distorting perceptions and hence, causing emotional injury to vulnerable family members. one common attention-seeking ploy of the manipulator is claiming to be persecuted, victimised, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting that she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.

this lady (yes, a lady again) told me horrible stories of her MIL. well, hearing terrible stories of MILs are common but if one were to hear dis lady's 'aku dianiayai' stories, you'll know for sure that you're being ridiculed. well, i dont wish to elaborate the story here. tak baik lah katakan. hehehehe..

another lady happen to tell me stories of her 'aku dianayai'. but dis lady talks of her own mum. saying her mum favours the bro to her (oh she's 29 and yes, sadly she still thinks this way). maybe there's some truth about it but somehow she failed to see the fault that lies within her. but when kena tegur, tak terima etc. i think we should stop caring for friends. hahahahahaha..

the drama queen:

every incident or opportunity - no matter how insignificant - is exploited and exaggerated and if necessary, distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions.

hmmm.. dis is tricky. a lady i know lies about travelling to a certain country whereas in actual fact, she did not. so is she considered to be a drama queen? but why lie?

another lady i know always exaggerate events. well, lets jus say birds of a feather flock together. they're best friends forever now. how sweet.. awwwwww...

there are more methods used by the attention-seekers which so far, thank goodness, i did not come face to face with. well, there're some i've encountered but i'm not going to mention. i will be writing a book if i were to mention every details here. however, some questions come to mind when we come to know about the characteristics of attention-seekers, like how does this disorder comes about. i will read more about it and will enlighten you people wit my discovery again.

no, i dont mean to copy raihan's way of writing (that 'continue in next episode' thingy). i seriously need to strengthen my findings before i jotted it here for my pals to read for entertainment purposes. hehehehehe.. furthermore, i dont think y'all like the idea of a super long entry, do ya?

:: headscarf issues ::

2007-08-03T12:20:00.000+08:00

.its like as if the world's issue on muslim womean donning headscarves are not enough. even among muslims have dis issue about muslim women donning the headscarves. whats wrong wit people.

.i remembered an outing once - during my 'jahiliah' days. i brought a vietnamese kid out to meet jup's frens and one of the d girls was wearing the scarf. she asked openly to everyone as to why muslim women cover their heads. i couldnt answer coz i dont know. in my head, it was a complicated answer that if i were to convey it to the viet kid, she wont understand thus i could be misleading. therefore i shut my trap. watever i answer can be directed back at me, so i stay silent. even my muslim sister did not answer. so the poor viet kid was left clueless.

.now if someone were to ask me dat, i'm pretty certain of the answers. the only thing is i hv to be tactful upon answering.

.now the reason dis issue is being brought up here is about how quick a person can be to judge another by their appearance.

.i admit i wear a scarf. but never would i admit dat i'm a good person. i will never in my life admit i'm now pious and so-called angelic jus because i wear d scarf. even if my frens were to hear me say such things, they'll know dats a joke. *lol* reason i wore (& still wearing) the scarf is probably d same reason that some of our scarf-donning muslim sisters do so. so, i find no biggie. i dont do it to make jup & my in-laws happy - like some have assumed.

.i heard people say somethin like, 'deni pakai je tudung tapi perangai buruk.' if that kinda remark were meant for me, i'll laugh. i can even show to these people how 'buruk' my perangai can be. i dont care. coz watever it is, its my life. its between me & The CREATOR. it has got nothing to do wit others. when i die, i'll be buried alone. y? u wanna die wit me is it? how sweet. but i believe before any word of nonsense is being let out from one's mouth, one has got to look in the mirror first. 'so u say things about me, i assume u think u're better than me? is dat right?' i dont think i'm perfect - nobody's perfect, right? come on... i'm sure you folks know without having me to tell you.

.reason y i dont admit i'm a good (or go between the lines like wishing people - aku doakan kan kau etc.) person is clear. i'm NOT!. *lol* betul pe. i dont go around preaching to people yet i go cafe del mar without my headgear. if dat's d case, i'll be inviting gossip. right or not? then i cannot finger the blame on anyone else except for me should i happen not to like about wat has been said about me.

:: itchy backside ::

2007-08-02T11:50:00.000+08:00

.blissca stretches hands and legs. looks around wit sleepy eyes.

."gd august day it seems," blissca smirked.

.after closing the full o' shit blogspot, blissca opened a new wordpress account wit a difficult address dat most of her pals cannot remember. kah kah kah kah kah.. plus blissca seems to have difficulty wit wordpress so she find it a bit lazy wit the updates.

.but now...............

.it's a new chapter in blissca's life.